I was a bridesmaid for my best friend 4 1/2 years ago. It was the first wedding I had been involved. To put it simply I was a bad bridesmaid! I did not know the work that went into planning a wedding or how stressful it was for the bride and looking back now I made life pretty difficult for the poor bride.

It wasn’t until I started planning my own wedding 2 years ago that it clicked! I started to realise all the things I did to my friend and I was horrified! If I was her I would have sacked me as a bridesmaid straight away and saved the stress.

While planning my wedding, this same friend was my bridesmaid and we had our fair share of problems as well. I don’t think the bride/bridesmaid relationship will ever run without any bumps or hiccups but there are ways to make it run much more smoothly and I have decided to put together a guide for brides and bridesmaids, to help combat any issues.

Choosing your bridesmaids

The first step is to choose your bridesmaids. This can be either the hardest or easiest decision to make. For me if was easy, I knew I had to have my best friend as my maid of honour. We made a pact when we were 16 that when we got married we would be each others maid of honour – and we did!

For others it is not so easy, sometimes being torn between family and friends can make the decision very hard and sometimes can offend people. 

No one can tell you who to have and who not to have, just make sure you pick people who are close to you and people who will be there to support you through the good and the bad. If you can’t have everyone as a bridesmaid, maybe allocate other important roles to the girls you need to leave off the list. There are so many other ways to include them in the wedding and if they are true friends they will understand and appreciate that you care enough to include them.

Once you have chosen your bridesmaids there are many ways of telling them the fabulous news. Here are just a few:

·         Have a cocktail party and invite only your chosen girls. During the party hand them a card and have them all open it at the same time to reveal the fabulous news.

·         Write them a beautiful card telling them why you have decided to choose them as a bridesmaid.

·         Send each bridesmaid a flower (the same as you are wanting to use in their bouquets) with a card telling her how you would love her to carry a bouquet of these flowers down the aisle as your bridesmaid.

·         Create a small album with photos of you and your friend at different stages of your friendship and leave the last page empty with a note – “to be filled with a picture of you as my bridesmaid”

These are just a few ideas. There are so many unique ways to ask your friends to be a bridesmaid! Just put your thinking caps on and do something personal.

Bridesmaids guide

Congratulations on being asked to be a bridesmaid! Being a bridesmaid is a great honour that should be taken very seriously. Bridesmaids have a lot of responsibility on and before the big day.

Important Note: Many brides at some stage feel that their bridesmaids don’t have an interest in the wedding. It is hard as a bridesmaid to care about the wedding as much as the bride does, however you will need to make sure that you take as much of an interest as you possibly can. It is her day and it is a great honour being chosen to be a part of it. So make every effort to make her feel important and like the princess she is!

Now here comes the fun part! Being a bridesmaid is so much fun! You get to plan a hens night, kitchen tea, dress up in a beautiful dress and have your hair and makeup done. Most importantly you get to see your friend marry the love of her life.

Dress and Shoe Shopping                 

No doubt, the first thing you will do as a bridesmaid is try on dresses and shoes. If there are a large number of bridesmaids this can be a very stressful time. Everyone is a different shape and size, they have different tastes and styles. Finding the perfect dress and shoes to compliment everyone is hard.

Note to bridesmaids: If there are a large number of bridesmaids, it will be hard to settle on one dress and colour that will fit and suit everyone. Remember to be flexible. If the bride likes the dress and it suits the majority of bridesmaids then it is best to go with the flow. Not everyone can be 100% happy with everything, talk to the bride about any concerns and compromise. Compromise is the key to a happy bride!

Note to brides: When selecting bridesmaids dresses it is important to understand that one dress may not suit everyone. It is hard as a bride when you have a vision in your head.  Try and be flexible, try on different shapes and colours. If you find a colour you love look at having everyone choose a shape and style that suits them in the same colour and material. Bridesmaids no longer have to look exactly alike. It is becoming so common for bridesmaids to have different styles and sometimes different colours.

I had 2 bridesmaids one was a size 16 and the other a size 8, one had a big bust and one had a very small bust. They were never going to look good in the same dress. When I chose their dresses I decided on different styles in the same colour and material and it looked fantastic. They felt comfortable and the dresses complimented and accented their figures perfectly.

I guess it is important to go shopping with an open mind and some flexibility. The girls will look much better on the day and in photographs if they are comfortable in what they are wearing.

What is your role as a bridesmaid?

The dictionary meaning of bridesmaid is - a young woman who attends to the bride at a wedding ceremony – but there is actually a lot more involved.

Every bride is different, some will want you to help with every detail of the wedding and others will want you to just turn up on the day. The best way to find out what duties you will need to perform is to sit down with the bride and the other bridesmaids and talk about what she needs you to do.

This is a general guide of bridesmaids duties:

·         Attend the brides dress fittings

·         Attend the bridesmaids dress fittings

·         Attend shopping trips for accessories for bride and bridesmaid

·         Plan hens night and/or kitchen tea

·         On the day

-          Arrange breakfast or brunch for the bridal party

-          Dress the bride

-          Attend to her needs

-          Ensure the ceremony and reception sites are set up perfectly

-          Ensure the bride looks prefect all day – alert her when she needs to apply more lipstick or powder, keep her hair neat and adjust her dress.

-          Ensure all presents are sent are collected

-          Cut and serve the wedding cake

-          Collect any keepsakes off the table – menu, place cards, favors, toasting glasses, guest book, disposable cameras and anything you think the bride would like as a keepsake.

-          The bridesmaids should be the last to leave, make sure all guests leave safely in their own transport or arrange a taxi to take them.

This is a general guide print this out and take it when you meet with the bride. Ask her if she would like you to do any of these and add anything else you need to remember.

Note to bridesmaids: Buy yourself a small note book to keep in your purse. Use the book to record important dates and also with a list of your tasks and responsibilities. Also remember if the bridal party is large and an appointment has been set; only cancel if it is an emergency. It can take a lot of organising to find a day when everyone is available.

The perfect bridesmaid is one who understands how important this day is to the bride and someone who wants to make the journey as smooth and fun as possible!

Weddings are a stressful time for a bride and you need to remember that her extra tension and short temper is only due to stress, try not to provoke it and go with the flow. Try and fix the problem rather than making it about you – your needs, feelings etc.

The most important thing to remember is relax and have fun! It is such a special time to share with your friend and will be a wonderful memory to share!