Decisions, Decisions.

For most brides choosing a bridal party may either be the first thing you think of, or the last. It is important however to remember that it can be a tough decision, so for those of you who haven’t had your bridal party picked out since you were five years old, its really important to start thinking about what kind of a person you would like to fill the roles as soon as possible.

Choosing who you want to include within your bridal party starts with skating on thin ice, firstly you need to choose between those who you are expected to have (siblings, in laws), have been told to include or those who have requested to be in the party. With many friends and/ or family assuming that they will be your first pick, it is quite easy to turn a choice that should be yours and your partners into quite an ordeal.

First thing you need to do is RELAX, sit back with a cup of tea and prioritize. Realising that you simply cannot please everyone with your choices is an important part of making that final bridal party list. This is your wedding; choose those who are important to you and not those who will make other people happy.

Secondly sit down with your partner and figure out how many attendants you wish to ask to be in your bridal party. Some say that the same number of attendants on both sides looks best but there are no rules or guidelines to say that they have to match. Some etiquette guides state that there should be no more than 12 in the bridal party this is because of practices undertaken during the ceremony and reception such as photos and seating at the bridal table. Once you have figured out how many you each wish to have it is time to write out a list of those you are considering. Think also about how people get along, there is no point in having a male and female partner if they are feuding. This is also the time to work out who will be your maid/matron of honor and the best man.

The third thing you need to do after considering who you would like to choose is consider what their responsibilities will be. The maid/matron of honor and best man have the most important roles, it is up to them generally to plan the hens/bucks night, to help with things such as invitations and selecting the dress/suits. Today’s trend is towards them paying their own expenses, this needs to be considered when choosing unless you intend to pay for your bridal party if they cannot afford your requests. Make sure your expectations are reasonably, you simply cannot expect someone who lives in another state to be with you every weekend to help with planning, understand that they to have their own commitments and things such as dress fittings will need to be planned in advance so that ample time is provided. Consider whether they have the time to commit to the role that you expect them to play.

Ask Away

Now that you have chosen who you would like in your bridal party it is time to ask them. First things first, remember to only ask those who you would love to hear a yes from. Don’t ask people because you want them to feel special because even though you think they may say no, they may say yes. You can have back up people in case your first choices say no, but never ask someone out of sympathy. This is YOUR day! If someone does say no, don’t be offended. Chances are it’s because she feels that she does not have enough time to devote to such a special day for you. Make sure you let each attendant know what will be expected of them on the day and beforehand so that they can give you an honest answer as to whether they will be able to fill the role.

If you have been asked to include a particular family member. You have two options. You can either include them in the party and extend the amount you have or you can choose not to include them. If you choose the latter consider the effects this may have on your family ties and harmony.

Final Pointers

Once you have made the choice and asked those you wish to be involved, make sure that you make everyone aware of your choices. This is helpful if you have a lot of people who expected to be included but have decided only to choose a few. True friends will not have a problem with this and will be happy just to be invited to your wedding.

Although it is important to ask your attendants as soon as possible there is such a thing as too soon. Think about how much your life changes in a day, let alone the time you have till wedding day. If you make the choices too far in advance you are leaving too much room for things to end up going wrong.

Written by Rachael Cronshaw