1. Where to start

Before you start researching and writing your own wedding vows, it is important to talk with your officiant. Check it is ok to write your own vows, some religions or officiants prefer if you use traditional vows. Working with your officiant when writing your vows will ensure you not only have personal heart felt words, but they will also be able offer suggestions on incorporating your chosen religious aspect and may also be able to offer a romantic verse or poem to include.

Remember: Your officiant conducts a wedding every weekend and is there to help. So don’t be afraid to ask questions or ask for help.

 
Your vows should be from the heart, but make sure there is nothing crude and no foul language that your guests or officiant would not appreciate.

2. Brainstorming Session

Firstly, decide if you and your fiancé want to write your vows together or separate. Even if you want to write separate vows, it is always a good idea to do a brainstorming session together.

Grab a glass of wine and a cheese platter and make a night of it, take a trip back down memory lane. Use a large piece of cardboard to map out your memories and idea. Write all of the special times you have shared together, nicknames and special moments.

Tip: Set a time limit for the length of your vows. Generally 2 minutes each is a good rule. Make sure they are even in length so they will blend well together.

They great thing about writing your own vows is being able to make them personal and all about you and your partner. Like Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, they chose to go traditional but add a little touch of their own. She promised to always make him his favourite banana milkshake and he promised to always split the difference on the thermostat (air conditioner/heater). By adding light hearted personal moments, it will help with your nerves and will bring your guests into your special day.

Suggestion: Write a love story that you and your partner will read small sections each, briefly describing your beautiful journey to this day. Use the ending as your vows for the future.

3. Inspiration

Use poetry, Shakespeare, religious readings, music and movies as a way to express your love. Using a short verse of a poem or play, or lyrics from a song can help you express your love and also add a personal touch.

Tip: Write down all of your favourite movies and love songs. Spend a weekend watching you favourite movies and writing down your favourite parts and any key words or phrases you might like to use. A popular and beautiful one is Jerry Maguire (Renee Zellweger and Tom Cruise) When Dorothy says to Jerry …. “You had me at hello”. That line melted hearts across the world.

Also combining traditional vows with your own personal words can be a lovely. Traditional vows are becoming more popular as time goes by, they are words that strike a sentimental cord with most people especially with so many wonderful romantic movies using the traditional vows in wedding scenes, and they will always bring a tear to your eye.

4. Practice, Practice, Practice!

Practicing your vows out load is essential. Practice them with your partner or if they are going to be a surprise, practice with a close friend. Reading your vows out loud will help you memorize them, this will make it easier when repeating them after the officiant or if you are going to use your vows as a monologue and say them on your own, you will need to make sure you have memorized them well.

Tip: Remember stress and emotions on the day may affect your ability to remember your vows, ensure your officiant has a copy in front of him/her so they can pick up and read if you have a memory blank or if your emotions get the best of you.

Remember: Vows that are read by you and not repeated after the officiant, will always sound more heart felt and will allow you to connect with your partner. When you are repeating after your officiant, you may find yourself turning to look at them rather then your partner.

Practicing out loud will also help you find any mistakes in grammar and iron out any sections that may be a little tongue twister or sentences you may need to adjust and shorten so you won’t run out of breath. Sometimes things don’t sound as great out loud as they do on paper.

Tip: Have a friend read them to you so you can hear them and analyze the word placement and the structure of the sentences.

5. Presentation

Once you have perfected your beautiful vows, the next thing is presentation. If they are presented nice, you will find it much easier to read then if they were scribbled on a napkin. They will also make a beautiful keepsake. A few ideas for presentation are: beautiful parchment or your favourite paper, a scroll or a fan. These are only a few.

No matter what words you choose the most important thing to remember is the promise and commitment they represent, with a lifetime of happiness.